Posted by Admin

Author: Joshua Harris

Book: Christianity

Year of Release: 2003

I Kissed Dating Goodbye is an interesting book written by Joshua Harris (published 1997) that tackles common misconceptions about dating and gives us a picture of how we should approach relationships, keeping in mind that everything we do affects others in a very real way. It challenges us to look inward before looking outward.

The foundation of the book is that intimacy is the reward of commitment. We shouldn’t seek to develop intimacy with another person unless we are prepared to make a commitment to them. It goes on to identify some of the habits of defective dating, which is how society (many Christians included), view dating. How today’s dating skips true friendship, isolates us from other vital relationships in our lives, distracts us from preparing for the future, limits us from maximizing our singleness, and sometimes even becomes an end in itself. We are then challenged to change our mindset by looking at God’s definition of love, treating all women as sisters (in Christ), prioritizing purity in our hearts and making the most of the gift of singleness. It ends beautifully with a vision of how beautiful marriage can be if we do things right. We will have our own story to tell – A love story we’ll be proud to tell.

Some key principles we can learn:

• Most people nowadays are in love with love. But true love is clearly defined in the Bible. In 1 Corinthians 13 it says ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’ Are you ready to commit to love someone this way? Is your love selfless or selfish?

• True, authentic friendship is the foundation of any successful relationship and the best way to really become friends is outside the context of dating. With no pretense or romance involved, people are free to be themselves. In the same way that a flower is most beautiful when in bloom, a relationship is most beautiful when it is allowed to grow in friendship and blossom into love.

• Potential partners are not just potential partners. They are also our brothers or sisters in Christ. If we treat them as our brothers or sisters, we’ll be more careful to love and honor them, being mindful of their feelings and how they’re affected by our actions. We won’t play with their feelings and will instead take our relationships with them very seriously. We’ll encourage them, build them up and help them become all God wants them to be.

• The heart is the wellspring of life, therefore we should guard it above all else (Proverbs 4:23). We should be very careful about what we let enter our hearts. God knows that if our hearts aren’t pure, there’s no way we can live out His plan for our lives. You wouldn’t drink from a polluted spring, would you? Therefore we should keep ourselves pure. This affects our view and approach to dating.

I really like the way the book was written. The title catches your attention and invites you to see what the author has to say. It initially seems controversial but once you start reading, you’re led on a path of discovery. The flow is simple and intuitive, with each idea flowing fluidly to the next. Not being a big reader, I appreciate how it comes with a wealth of real life examples, a lot of which come from the author’s own life. He’s not afraid to open himself up and bare his soul, his struggles, his successes. The illustrations he uses are quite vivid and get his point across in clear detail. Finally, and most importantly, he uses the Bible as his foundation. He consistently points us back to God, whom we have taken out of the equation of relationships. He reminds us that when we let God in and let Him take full control of our lives, including our relationships, then we will experience the beauty and mystery of love as God intended it to be. Only when we yield to His will for our lives will we be able to kiss dating goodbye.

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